Yoga Therapy Saved My Life

I’m a multiple cancer survivor. Conventional oncology takes care of my body and cells. Yet, it needs a push. So, I’ve practiced yoga therapy as a complement. To live fully, not just survive.

Yoga was a revelation. I started practicing soon after I was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer for the first time twenty years ago. Something changed deep inside me during my first class: I felt connected to my body. A life-long fatigue arose. I had no clue I was so exhausted. In just one class, yoga had helped me become aware how much I’d pushed through, answering everyone else’s needs. Yoga made me feel instead of think.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the conventional oncology care I’ve been lucky to receive since 2004. It can do miracles thanks to scientific research. Yet, oncology addresses exclusively the physical body while sadly ignoring other aspects of the human experience, whether emotional, mental and spiritual.

That’s why yoga therapy’s been a savior for me. To the extent I’ve become a yoga therapist.

I was fractured

I also vividly remember the summer of 2022 when I received the diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer while vacationing in Paris. Living in Atlanta wasn’t an option anymore. In a week, I decided to let go of the life I’d built in the U.S. for years and call Paris home again. I started my conventional cancer treatment. Everything was coming into place. Except, I felt fractured. How long did I have left? Where did I belong? In Paris, my birthplace? Or in Atlanta where I’d found my true self? Could I be a legitimate yoga therapist while living with this serious disease? I could physically feel the fear and, even more so, confusion and uprooting.

The urgency was therefore to experience groundedness again. The answer? Yoga as always. Day after day, I practiced outdoors, in a Paris suburbia nature park, so I could literally feel and smell this land which was both familiar and new to me then. At the end of each practice, I laid down on the grass (corpse pose), taking in the sun and earth’s energy. Day after day, I felt more grounded, stronger, more stable.

The body and the mind are inextricably bound together

The point of my yoga routine was also to sustain my conventional oncology treatment. This kind of combination is called integrative oncology—when conventional medicine is mixed with complementary therapies. So far, it’s worked.

Seven months after the beginning of my treatment, a PET-scan showed the metastasis in the liver and the right pectoral muscle had disappeared. The following PET-scan’s results, eight months later, were also astonishing. The remaining metastasis, on bones, had reduced by 36%.

So, how does a practice like therapeutic yoga work? What does science say about this ancient meditative mind body practice?

Parc Interdépartemental de Choisy Paris Val-de-Marne (5 miles South of Paris),
the green paradise where I practiced therapeutic yoga in the summer and fall of 2022.

First, yogis have been saying for thousands of years the body and mind are inextricably bound together. Second, breath is the key to the interweaving of body and mind. It’s a core element of yoga practice and explains its effectiveness.

Yoga practice is made up of both slow and fast breathing exercises in coordination with the movements of your limbs. When you breathe in a fast way, body stores of carbon dioxide lower without significantly increasing oxygen stores. The phenomenon can result in dizziness, headaches, light-headedness among others. That’s why it must be done right. It also impacts mood. A fast-breathing exercise such as Breath of Fire (Bhastrika) create a feeling of exhilaration.

Yoga breathing affects a person’s mood

On the other hand, when you breathe slowly the repercussions for mood are radically different. The slow-breathing exercise Ujjayi for example, makes a person breathe about ten times slower than a resting adult. This time, slow breathing raises carbon dioxide levels in the bloodstream. The phenomenon brings a person to experience a deep relaxation, calm alertness, and raw awareness. In short, yoga breathing affects a person’s mood. Fast breathing styles tend to excite and slow ones to calm.

Enjoying an increased sense of well-being. Becoming absorbed in the moment. Experiencing life through how I feel and not only through how I think. In conjunction with conventional oncology care, these things can make a difference to help save a life.


Source: The Science of Yoga (2012) by William J. Broad.
Yoga therapy is not intended to substitute for the medical expertise and advice of your health care provider(s). I encourage you to discuss any decisions about treatment or care with your health care provider.

Our Body has All the Answers. We Need to Listen to It.

Our life experience expresses itself in our body. That’s why I invite yoga therapy clients to dive in the depth of their flesh to listen to the body’s messages. Then, I encourage them to speak their truth to truly meet another and, ultimately, to free themselves from emotional wounds.

It’s during the course of two very serious diseases that I started doing work on the body and how it relates to emotions. I have learned a lot along the way. I have learned any trauma, any information that is too painful to process consciously, any suppressed emotion finds its way in the body in the form of tension and, sometimes, disease. I have learned our psyche strives to forget these painful experiences and feelings. We take refuge behind our masks and protections and, often, we set our body aside.

However, if we want to go deeper in our wellness journey, if we want to live a life that is in harmony with who we truly are, we need to feel, become aware and accept those suppressed emotions so that we re-integrate them into our life’s journey.

To do that, we need our body’s help simply because our psyche and body are intimately connected. They are like the hand and the glove. If the hand moves, the glove moves too. In other words, our life experience always finds a way to express itself in our physical body.

So how can we heal emotional wounds with the body’s help?

The body speaks to us but, most of the time, we don’t pay attention to those signs, we don’t feel anything. That’s why any healing process starts with allowing ourselves to pause–so we can go inwards and listen. Aline Frati, my yoga teacher, used to say, “There is no healing without taking a pause.”

“What do you feel?” is the fundamental question

Because of this, my yoga therapy method includes a style of gentle yoga that brings the person to focus on a slow, deep yogic breathing while going in and out of simple poses at a slow pace.

“What do you feel?” is the fundamental question that needs to be asked. The goal is to bring us to feel our body and listen to what it says, to be on the lookout of what the body is expressing about ourselves, about our emotional and physical wounds. The point is to become the explorer and the observer of what triggers our emotional and physical pain.

Once we have listened to what the body says, then we can move on to the other aspect of the healing journey: to put our feelings, our life experience into words. We need to share our wounds and our dreams with others who can listen. To heal, we need to truly meet another. This is the reason why all my classes start and end with a healing circle. I ask participants to participate regularly to the classes. That’s because each person heals thanks to the yoga practice, the work I do as a facilitator and also thanks to the relationship they build with the others.

This healing journey is a hard road. It requires courage and patience. However, the effort is a small price to pay for more wellness and joy in our lives.

Photo: Femme Accroupie (Crouching Woman), 1880-1882, Auguste Rodin. From the”Picasso-Rodin” exhibit, Musée Picasso, Paris, June 2021.

Rebirth

Rebirth is the story of my life, the thread that goes through my existence.

I was born in the first days of spring, on March 28. I imagine that’s why the idea of rebirthing, whatever the ordeals I’ve come across, is so present in my life.

That constant cycle of rebirth is the message I carry, and it’s because of that message that I’ve become a yoga therapist—to help my clients rebirth of themselves.

To rebirth means to die, first.

I believe that you are on a journey to let something die inside of you. For one goal only–so that you can rebirth of yourself. With more self-esteem. More self-confidence. More aliveness. More joy. More love really. No matter what your circumstances are.

What are you dying to? And how are you rebirthing?

Happy spring.

The Wounded Healer

Doctors, therapists… we’re all “wounded healers” since Greek mythology. I personally relate to those words as I feel both intimately as a wounded person and a healer.

My friend Randy Spiers, an astrologer, was the first to tell me about the idea of the “wounded healer”.

The psychologist Carl C. Jung, who looked into archetypes, came up with the concept of the “wounded healer” to describe a phenomenon that may take place between a physician and his patient, a healer and his client. Jung went back to Greek mythology to find its origin.

Chiron was a god, a centaur, a half-man horse. He was knowledgeable, peaceful and gentle. He was also a revered teacher, known for his skill in medicine. The myth says Chiron was wounded accidentally by Heracles’s poisoned arrow. Chiron didn’t die. Instead, he suffered excruciating pain for the rest of his life. He continued to heal the sickly and the injured until he was given the opportunity to become mortal, and died. It was because of Chiron’s wound that he became known as a legendary healer.

As a cancer survivor and a yoga therapist, I am a wounded healer too.

Five years ago, I started exploring my wound. I was coming out of my second breast cancer. I needed to understand the disease. What was it saying to me? In the process I searched my childhood years. My mother was in a depression that doctors thought they could “cure” with Valium. My father was unavailable, working hard pulling his family out of financial distress. Meanwhile, I was left unseen and unheard.

An Irrepressible Need To Be Seen

That left a powerful footprint in me. Just like any other human being, I had an irrepressible need to be seen, to be heard. I realized that, in order to be seen, I had developed a strategy–I gave abundantly. I gave to classmates, family, life partners, friends, clients, whomever. I gave to the point of exhaustion, of illness.

That’s how two breast cancers broke into my life, ten years apart. The first one immerged after I put an end to an abusive relationship of ten years.

Then, I crossed the ocean to start anew.

Because I believed—and still do—in a life together, I got married. There again, I was unseen. I had the immense courage to leave the relationship.

I gave up an established career as a corporate journalist to create my own yoga therapy practice. I poured everything that I had learned from my own healing journey into my practice. For once, I felt seen.

The way has been marked with other losses.

Since my first cancer, it’s been a gigantic healing journey. Every step of this voyage has had, and still has, one purpose—to be seen and heard. It’s my commitment, it’s my journey as a human and a healer.

Sources:
The Wounded Healer as Cultural Archetype (Purdue University)
The Wounded Healer: A Jugian Perspective (jungatlanta.com)



The Five-Year Mark

Time to reflect on how the past five years, since my second cancer, have left their footprint in my life. With one big lesson learned—my own needs are as valuable as others’.

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with my second breast cancer. Once again, I was terrified, face to face with my mortality. Thank God, life, the universe or whatever you want to call that higher power, I have been in remission ever since.

This second time, cancer has changed me in a deeper way than the first time. The change didn’t occur in my lifestyle habits. I changed the way I ate, relaxed, exercised, and lived fifteen years ago after my first cancer, and I have maintained these habits ever since. Instead, this recurrence has transformed me at the soul level.

Looking back at these five years, I see a long, devious road of learning something that I have discovered to be crucial to my wellbeing—the immense power of valuing my needs. There is a reason for that. I used to put others’ needs before mine—always. As a matter of fact, to me, cancer people have that common characteristic–they put others’ needs before their own.

Back to my long, devious road.

In 2014, I realized I had helped my husband to fulfill his dream—to buy a house—which had nothing to do with my own—to be seen by the man I loved. We ended up with a house and unable to connect. We divorced. Two years later, I gave up my 25-year career as a corporate journalist. Having a “title” and a good professional status were actually my father’s need, not mine. Then, the time came when I said “no” for the first time to friends who were used to me being present for them and saying “yes” whatever my circumstances. The time also came to say “yes” to more play. I started dancing–a life-long dream–and have brought contra dance, zydeco, salsa and blues into my life since then.

This past year, I have stepped in a new relationship. More than anything, this relationship has tested my ability to value my needs, not only my lover’s. I’m getting there. The next step will—hopefully, maybe–be to find a balance between the two of us.

Several things have been vital to walk this long, devious road, like listening to myself thanks to my own yoga practice, and people who see me and who listen–I mean who really listen like those in my Non-Violent Communication group. Cheers to the next five years.

A Place To Be Reborn

Atlanta has one of the best cancer wellness centers in the country. As a survivor, I have attended their classes and been blown away by the patients’ creativity and aliveness.

I found out about the Piedmont Cancer Wellness Center in Atlanta, this past autumn, while I was looking to teach yoga therapy to cancer patients. With that goal in mind, I met the manager, Carolyn Helmer. She suggested that I, as a survivor myself, start by attending classes and workshops to get a vibe of the place, the people who look to the center for support, as well as the healers and the teachers in the support team.

I was a little annoyed by the idea. I was passionate about teaching yoga therapy to anyone affected by cancer. Nevertheless, I wanted nothing else to do with people looking like zombies.

I met people who were dealing or had dealt with breast cancer, lung cancer, brain cancer, pancreatic cancer. You name it.

I also came across something I didn’t expect—aliveness.

I attended soul collage sessions, yoga classes and personal development workshops. We all shared a common experience–The experience of facing or of having faced, at some point in our lives, the effects of a life-threatening disease.

During a lunch break, I talked with Cookie, a woman who had had pancreatic cancer seven years before, now in full remission. I had noticed her witty look and remarks during the class. “If it wasn’t for this place, I wouldn’t be alive today,” she told me.

During a workshop on how to cultivate self-care, the counselor asked us to come together in groups of three and brainstorm to write our own quote on self-care. Adele, Elizabeth and I were ecstatic with our quote: “Drop the mask of perfection and replace it with authenticity. Allow the development of creativity and reach for the unknown”.

After the workshop, I left the center and took the elevator to the building’s lobby. Suddenly, I stopped walking. I became aware that people I came across—employees, visitors, etc.–looked dull and drained. A thought came to my mind. I had just spent three hours with a bunch of cancer people who looked more alive than the “healthy” people. I smiled while realizing that, after all, I liked the zombies.


The visual at the top of the page is a card I created during a soul collage session at the center on Jan. 5, 2019. The card is titled “I See You”.

I Am Good Enough

Feeling “good enough” is vital. At least for me. Why? Because over doing or always putting the needs of others before my own has come with a high price.

Piedmont Hospital’s Chapman Cancer Wellness Center provides free wellness and personal development programs for cancer patients and survivors. Last week, the center offered a workshop that spoke to me, “Good Enough: Letting Go of Perfectionism and People-Pleasing”, so I went. It made me reflect on my own—sometimes painful—journey towards feeling “good enough”.

Twelve years ago, I moved from Paris to Atlanta. I was coming out of breast cancer, and I believed that my (new) marriage and a complete change of scenery would make me happier and prevent me from getting sick again.

I was wrong.

In 2014, I got sick with a second bout of cancer.

The ordeal forced me to face something that became clear—I had spent most of my life pleasing others and helping them fulfill their dreams. I was convinced I had to do a lot to be loved, and I was constantly looking for the love and approval of others.

It was time to change, and to start seeing and acknowledging who I was.

Two years later, I did a big step towards feeling “good enough”. I let go of a 25+ year corporate career that was draining me, and I allowed myself to do something I loved—teach yoga therapy.

The workshop at the cancer wellness center, last week, was a new opportunity to check in with myself. What are the areas in my life where I may not feel good enough? How come this is happening? Feeling good enough is my life’s project.

What about you? Do you tend to overdo yourself and please others? If yes, what has motivated you to do that in your life? And what is the cost you are paying to overdo and please others? These are important questions as they may lead you to better physical and emotional well being.

Pinktober–Intuition Saved My Breast

Intuition is a powerful tool, especially when recovering. Listening to my intuition helped me conserve my breast and, ultimately, overcome cancer.

Intuition came into my life when I was diagnosed with my first breast cancer and started practicing yoga therapy, all at the same time, 14 years ago.

That first time I was diagnosed with cancer, my surgeon carried out a breast-conserving surgery. That means he removed part of the breast tissue as opposed to all of the breast (mastectomy).

Yoga therapy helped me navigate the medical treatment and become more in touch with my intuition. It brought down the level of chronic stress, and allowed me to move into more physical and emotional peace, giving me access to clarity about how to move forward in situations of daily life.

Fast forward ten years. I was confronted with a second bout of cancer in the same breast. Here I was in my new surgeon’s office. Without hesitation, he said he could perform a breast-conserving surgery, just like my first surgeon had done a decade earlier. I breathed a sigh of relief. For years, I had struggled with insecurity and not feeling feminine enough and had embarked on an emotional healing journey. So, conserving my breast, no matter how messed up it would look, meant the world to me.

I had a few weeks to get prepared for the procedure.

Two days before going to the hospital, my surgeon called me, trembling, “I forgot about the committee… I had to submit your case to a committee, and they just let me know their decision. They want a mastectomy”.

I froze.

I found out that French healthcare had recently introduced “cancer committees”. Any doctor who diagnosed a patient with cancer had to submit their patient’s case to a committee. There were–and still are–hundreds of committees all over France. Each committe is made up of a dozen experts, including an oncologist, an MD, a social worker, a radiologist and more. Its mission is to bring experts together to to determine the patient’s needs—most of the time without meeting the person. The idea is to avoid a single doctor to misdiagnose, and, ultimately, to save lives.

In almost all cases, patients go with the committee’s decision.

My surgeon believed the breast-conserving surgery was enough, and that the mastectomy was not a must. He left the decision up to me, “I will support whatever decision you make.”

I was shaking. “I need to feel this out. I’ll give you an answer by tomorrow”.

The next 24 hours were among the most intense of my life. Every cell of my body was telling me to conserve my breast.

The next day, I called my surgeon. “Let’s stick with our first decision. I want you to take out the tumor and leave the healthy tissue alone”.

Two months after my surgery I had my first appointment with the oncologist who was going to walk me through chemo. It was the first time I ever met him. I knew only one thing about him—he was the one who headed “the committee”. When I stepped into his office, he said, “so, it’s YOU”!

When I told him I was a yoga therapist, a strange smile came onto his face. We saw each other every three weeks for eight months. Not only did he know my medical situation, he also knew I was divorcing and losing my father of lung cancer, all at the same time.

Ultimately, I recovered. And here I am four years later—healthy.

I remember what he told me right at the end of my treatment, “Keep doing what you’re doing”. And that’s what I do—I practice and teach yoga therapy, and listen to my intuition.

How Raina, Five Months, Reminded Me Of The Power Of The Mind Body Connection

While a client went through her pregnancy with emotional turmoil, her unborn baby showed physical symptoms. My client worked through her emotions to find peace, and her baby found the way back to health.

This time last year, I starting seeing Ronika, a client, during yoga therapy private sessions to support her during her pregnancy that was emotionally challenging.

Childhood trauma came up to the surface. Ronika was also facing a feeling of abandonment in her couple. She was overwhelmed with anger, fear and sadness.

Four months into the pregnancy, doctors told my client that her baby had five or six cysts on her kidneys.

From that point on, Ronika was considered “at risk”, and went to visit her doctor every week. There was nothing else the doctor could do except wait until Ronika’s baby was at least three months old. The doctor would then check the baby’s kidneys.

When I first heard about the unborn baby’s cysts, I connected the dots between Ronika’s emotional turmoil and her unborn child’s physical symptoms.

I called a mentor in Paris to have his point of view. “Kidneys are connected to fear. If your client finds peace and is able to welcome her baby with love and serenity at birth, then everything will come back to normal,” he said.

During her private yoga therapy sessions, Ronika became in touch with suppressed emotions and released them. Her relationship with her partner became stronger. All this helped my client be emotionally and physically prepared to welcome and nurture Raina after she was born.

Five months later, doctors were finally able to check Raina’s kidneys with ultra-sound for the first time. “Raina has one only one kidney. The good news is that there is no cyst on her kidney.”

I am convinced Raina absorbed her mom’s emotions before she was born, and that these emotions had an effect on Raina’s body–they dissolved one of her kidneys. I am also convinced that Raina felt her mom’s renewed peace and serenity and that those feelings dissolved the cysts.

Today, Raina is two. The youngest of three girls, she is a powerhouse of health and vibrancy!

I Always Listen To The Signs


Signs and synchronicities are always around me—they’re an ever-present part of life—if I choose to tune in. The birth of my client’s baby is an example of how I let these signs guide me.

On March 28, 2018, something extraordinary happens. Ronika, my yoga therapy client, gives birth to her baby girl, Raina Ali Ruff. This day also happens to be my birthday.

Since almost the beginning of her pregnancy, I meet with Ronika every week for a private session of yoga therapy. The purpose of this work is to give Ronika emotional support.

Each of the private sessions with Ronika is powerful. Each help my client pick up a piece of herself she has left behind, and eventually helps her to be emotionally and physically prepared for the arrival of her third daughter.

During our last session before the upcoming birth, Ronika feels distressed. She is in the middle of a dilemma—she’s unsure how she feels about the thought of her partner/baby’s father’s presence in the labor room.

To help her connect with her deep feelings, I tell her the circumstances of my own birth. Something I rarely share–with anyone. That day, my mother is alone with the medical staff in the labor room of a Paris hospital. That day, my father chooses to stay in the province where he finishes building a school for another two days to get his much-needed pay check. It takes me five decades of feeling that “I am not worthy enough for my father to be here for my arrival”, to finally realize that his choice is driven by love—by the love he has for me—for his family.

Raina Ali Ruff

Speechless

Ronika is speechless. My story resonates with her. Deeply.

A week later, Raina’s father is in the labor room and welcomes his baby girl when she takes her first breath. His presence positively affects Ronika and the birth story that Raina will carry with her for her entire life.

I see Raina Ali’s birth date as a sign, a synchronicity that lets me know I am on the right path, teaching yoga therapy the way I teach it. It also validates the way I feel about the circumstances of my own arrival on Earth. Raina Ali’s birth is the best birthday present I have ever received.

The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung created the word “synchronicity”. He defined it as “A meaningful coincidence of two or more events, where something other than the probability of chance is involved.”

Today, Raina is four months old. Both of her parents, along with her teachers at daycare, all say how calm she is, in all circumstances.

There’s a thing that helps me receive the signs–listening. The ability to listen to what life brings my way. I nurture that ability when I practice the yoga I’ve learned for 14 years from my French yoga teacher, Aline Frati, until she passed away.

Practice something that helps you listen. And listen. Pay attention to the signs life sends your way. Consider them as information the universe sends you. And take them into consideration before your next step forward. Do that now.

My father and I in Spain.